The commissioner: or, de Lunatico inquirendo / With twenty-eight illustrations on steel by Phiz [i.e. H.K. Browne] [Anon].

George Payne Rainsford James

Date:: 1843

Credit: The commissioner: or, de Lunatico inquirendo / With twenty-eight illustrations on steel by Phiz [i.e. H.K. Browne] [Anon]. Source: Wellcome Collection.

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$4‘JG “ You nipan, perliajis, tliat you may kill him uhen you only intend to wound him,” said INIr. Darius ; “ but a little practice will set all that to rights. Why, 1 recollect, my dear madam, at a great ball at Calcutta, a young lady refused to dance with me because she was in love with a young gentleman I knew very well, and wanted to dance with him. Well, presently after lie came in and took her out. I said she must not dance, slie must sit down; he said she shouldift, so I just whispered in his ear, ‘ You are a good dancer. Jack, but you shall never dance again.’ The next morning we met, and he was in a great fright, as you may sujipose. ‘ You are not going to kill me, Darius?’ he said. ‘Oh, no, Jack,’ I replied. ‘ Make yourself easy, I am only going to S})oil your dancing. Take care of your knee, my good friend;’ and while they were giving the words I just whistled a bit of the country dance he had been jigging in the night before ; the moment the signal was given, crack went my pistol, and down he went with his knee knocked all to smash. Poor devil, they were obliged to cut his leg otf. You must have seen him about London, walking about with a wooden leg.” “ No, I haevn’t,” said I\Ir. Fit:zurse, pettishly. Mr. Darius bent upon him a stern, inquiring look, as much as to say, “ What’s the meaning of that tone ?” and Mr. Fitzurse shrunk into nothing in a moment. “ Poor fellow,” said the young lady, in reply to his former speech, “ I think you might have forgiven him.” “ I make it a point,” said l\Ir. Darius, “ of never forgiving an offence. It is by far the most Christian and charitable plan, for when once it is generally known that such is your resolution, no offences are given, and you go on in peace and charity with all men. I declare, if my own brother were to offend me, I’d kill him and eat him directly.” “ Eat him ?” cried the young lady, in a high treble : “ eat him r” “ Oh, no, no,” replied Mr. Darius, with an affected and somewhat fiendish laugh, “not exactly eat him. It’s only a form of speech, you know^isn’t it, Fitzurse ? You can’t think how nice man is though,” he said, sinking his voice to a whis])er. “ La!” said the young lady. “I can assure you,” continued Mr. Darius, “ it's worth a trip to the Tonga Islands just to taste man properly dressed,” and he wiped the cor- ners of his mouth with his napkin, as if the very thought made it water. “ I don’t know,” he jiroceeded, whis|)ering in l\Ir. Fitzurse’s ear— “ I don’t know whether your eook is clever, but I gave very precise directions, and if she have followed them, you will taste something such as you never tasted before.” Mr. Fitzurse was .as silent as the grave, but his eyes swam in his head ; and at that very moment Jerry Tripe with one hand put a dish upon the table, just before i\Ir. Darius. Tliat gentleman turned his head over his sliovdder, and iiupiired, “ Is this it ?” Jerry nodded his head, and while the Honourable Henry Frederick Augustus turned as pale as his napkin, Mr. Darius rubbed his hands slowly uith evident satisfaction.$