The choice of a mate.

  • Anthony Ludovici
Date:
[1935]
Catalogue details
    33/546 (page 3)
    HAPPY MARRIAGES RARE belie the theory. Even among the very poor, no expense is spared, and the bridal train, the retinue of bridesmaids, pages, etc., the banquet, and the exceptional transport facilities (taxis by the hour, which the poor can ill afford), all point to the same conclusion. But, whatever its origin may be, marriage will probably have to be retained, if only for the purposes of order and social administration. That is why it is most important to tell youth the truth about it. To do this, it is not necessary to dwell only on its dark and forbidding aspects. This would amount merely to imitating the romantics who go to the opposite extreme. Everybody knows, everybody has met, couples who have been conspicuously successful in matrimony. But a reasonable in structor of youth would point out that, wise as it may be to keep such cases in mind and to aspire to their example, they constitute, like genius, a minority. 1 Permanent association, even with friends, is known to be difficult. But even if full weight is given to the sex factor as modifying such a relationship in favour of the married, sex is by no means an inexhaustible source of concord. To recommend caution in the choice of a life-mate, therefore, is but an obvious beginning. But a wise choice can hardly be made, no matter how cautious we may be, unless we are clear regarding the object we wish to achieve by marriage, and have some knowledge of how to choose the mate best suited to that object. We may know that a hunter or a good hack is the best mount for a certain journey ; but we also need to know how to choose such a horse from among other horses. To those who object that whereas the choice of a horse pre supposes specialized knowledge, the choice of a mate can safely be made by instinct, I reply, what is meant by instinct in this connexion ? When my bitch, Sukie, unaided and uninstructed, severs one of her puppies from the placenta by biting through the umbilical cord, she performs this operation by instinct. This instinct might be termed “ primary ” and is an inborn tendency to react in a way useful to the individual or the species, in response to 1 Balzac asks : “ Pourquoi un mariage heureux est-il donc si peu fréquent ? ” And he replies : “par la raison qu'il se rencontre peu de gens de génie ” (P.M., p. 89). See also W.S.H., p. 14, where Friedlânder says : “ Education should do away with conventional bias . . . and with the concealment of the fact that really happy marriages are rare.”