The choice of a mate.

  • Anthony Ludovici
Date:
[1935]
Catalogue details
    436/546 (page 406)
    complete unity in marriage depends on sexual unity,” 1 and their findings are confirmed by every experienced medical man. “ The physician knows,” says Dr. Courtenay Beale, “ that the cause of marital disharmony and divorce is almost invariably sexual discontent,” and he adds : “ Marriage, whatever else and however much more it may be, is essentially sex-union.” 1 2 “ Nothing is more fatal to love,” says Dr. Van de Velde, “ than disappointment in sexual intercourse.” 3 “ Unhappy marriages, which are so terribly frequent,” says Dr. Bauer, “ are usually due fundamentally to the lack of com plete mutual sexual satisfaction.” 4 Such observations could be multiplied almost indefinitely. It is, therefore, urgently necessary to persuade young women not to listen, against the dictates of their instincts, to elders who warn them that So-and-so looks too fiery or too sensual, or too “ material ” (this is the favourite expression of the British matron, who often uses it out of jealousy). Let all grown girls remember that the fireless, top-heavy saint crucifies not only his own flesh, but also his wife’s. Not merely the adequacy of a man’s sexual attentions is important, but also, and above all, their form. Much has been written about this, as if a prescribed technique of sexual inter course could replace sound instinct, or supplement it when it was lacking ! Thus, I wholly agree with Dr. Esther Harding, when she writes : “ The art of love cannot be practised successfully if it is viewed only as a technique—the expression of love must be a genuine expression of an emotion which is actually felt.” 5 6 For what young women should remember is that, even when a man lacks previous knowledge and experience, the ardour alone of his passions will prove the best initiator and the most in exhaustible inspirer. And without that ardour a whole library of books on love-technique cannot avail. Another important point is that passion and vanity are mutually exclusive ; therefore that a man of passion will, as a rule, forget himself and his self-esteem when he really loves. The vain man, however, always sets his self-esteem and the kind of figure he is cutting in a situation, before anything else. That is why vain 1 T.M., p. 447. 2 W.W., pp. 11 and 24. See also p. 36. 3 1 .M., p. 270. See also S.H.I.M., p. 269. 4 W., p. 210. Also N.E., p. 116, where Bryk shows how the happiness of the negro marriage depends on adequate sexual relations, and how the negresses insist on adequate sexual congress. 6 The Way of All Women (London, 1933, p. 162).