Volume 1

Confessions of Jean Jacques Rousseau / Jean Jacques Rousseau.

  • Jean-Jacques Rousseau
Date:
1931
Catalogue details

Licence: Attribution-NonCommercial 4.0 International (CC BY-NC 4.0)

Credit: Confessions of Jean Jacques Rousseau / Jean Jacques Rousseau. Source: Wellcome Collection.

    139/344 (page 119)
    [I73I-I732] I arrived at Annecy, where I no longer found her. Imagine my surprise and grief ! Then, for the first time, my regret at having abandoned Le Maitre in so cowardly a manner made itself felt. It became keener still, when I heard of the misfortunes that had befallen him. His box of music, which contained all his worldly goods, the precious box, which had cost such trouble to save, had been seized on its arrival at Lyons, in consequence of a letter, in which the Chapter had informed Comte Dortan of its secret removal. Le Maitre in vain claimed his property, his means of livelihood, the work of his whole life. The ownership of the box was at least open to dispute ; but the question was not raised. The matter was decided on the spot by the law of the stronger, and poor Le Maitre thus lost the fruit of his talents, the work of his youth and the resource of his old age. Nothing was wanting to the blow which fell upon me to make it overwhelming. But I was at an age when great sorrow takes little hold, and I soon found means of consolation. I expected soon to hear news of Madame de Warens, although I did not know her address and she was ignorant of my return ; and, as for my desertion of Le Maitre, all things considered, I did not find it so blameworthy. I had been of service to him in his flight ; that was the only service I could render him. If I had remained with him in France, I could not have cured him of his illness, I could not have saved his box, I should only have doubled his expenditure without being able to help him. This was the light in which I then regarded the matter : I regard it differently now. A mean action does not torture us when we have just committed it, but long afterwards, when we recall it to mind ; for the remembrance of it never dies. In order to get news of mamma, the only thing I could do was to wait; for where could I look for her in Paris, and wdiat means had I to make the journey ? Annecy was the safest place to gain tidings of her whereabouts, sooner or later. I therefore remained where I was, but behaved very badly. I never called on the bishop, who had already assisted me, and might have assisted me further; my patroness was no longer near me, and I was afraid of being