St. Jacobs Oil family calendar and book of health and humor for the million : 1885 : containing original humorous articles & illustrations by the leading humorists of America / the Charles A. Vogeler Company.

  • Charles A. Vogeler Company
Date:
1884
Catalogue details

Licence: Public Domain Mark

Credit: St. Jacobs Oil family calendar and book of health and humor for the million : 1885 : containing original humorous articles & illustrations by the leading humorists of America / the Charles A. Vogeler Company. Source: Wellcome Collection.

    18/34
    (f SEPTEMBER. s M T T F I S 1 2 8 4, r- 6 7 8 9 10 11 t ; 13 14 15 1C 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 23 ?° .. .. SOLE M M THOUGHTS.* (Written for The St. Jacobs Oil Family Calendar, 1885, by “Bill Nye.”) It is on the 22d of September that the Equi¬ nox takes place. Equi signifies Equal and Nox means Night, so that it is the time of Equal Nights, or the time when day and night are equally balanced. It is now the time to look out for Equinoctial Storms of humid rain and Zeph- ing Zephyrs, from Zephtown. Now shun the raging main. Avoid the heav¬ ing billow and the moonlight excursion on the lake. Pull the bean crop and harvest the etruscan pumpkin of agriculture. The plum, the peach and the apricot now hang idly on the bough in the hazy air. The harvest-fields are yellow, and the curculio packs up his tools and goes home to rest till another spring. The grasshopper says “Ta-ta” to the grasshopper sufferer and steals away. The secretary of the Captain Kidd Gold Claim begins to write hektograph letters to the stockholcfers, in which he says that the money of the company has been very judiciously expended, and, at the close of the season, shows a marvel¬ ous body of ore, rich in quality and almost boundless in quantity, waiting only for a better and fuller development. We need the money to keep the water out of the lower levels, he says, and to do this successfully we must have expen¬ sive and greatly improved pumping machinery. It has therefore been necessary to assess each share $5.00. It is at this season that nature and your wife begin to don a new dress. You wish that it didn’t cost your wife any more than it did nature. But it does. Hazel-nuts and other fruit begin to ripen on the branches and to show symptoms of worms. The ardor of the hornet is cooled, and the huckleberry goeth to his long home. Pumpkin-pies begin to fleck the horizon, and lager-beer begins to pale upon the palate. (tX-3 _ S'iOk (a. B. ED.) The agriculturist goes joyously afield, singing a jocular lay or two, and wondering how much the bloated capitalist will dock him for the wild pigeon grass and cockle in his wheat this year. All nature is sad. So is the man who has light- ning-rodded his house and barn, and this fall hasn’t any thing to put under their protection. The lightning-rod man wraps up his patent om¬ nipresent, North American lightning grasping points and his armful of promissory notes and passes out of the horizon. The lavender pantaloons of gay summer-time droop and yearn for the eternal rest of the rag¬ bag, where they can fold their worn and weary baggy knees and be forever at peace. There they can cross their tired legs, and hide their strawberry stains and sorrow in the hush that knows no waking. So it is, more or less, with us all. It is the closing of the season, and we begin to hanker for rest and change of scene. The gay summer is gone, with its seaside pleas¬ ures, its codfish-balls and other amusements, its flirtations with $2.00 counts and back-number beauties. The season is at an end, and we turn, with a feeling of anguish, to the deserted home, where the bath-room has overflowed and taken off the stucco ceiling below, where the mice have made a home in the piano and the moss is growing in the cistern. We have soaked in the sea for another season, and returned with ice¬ cream in the pockets of our spike-tail coats, and the traces of tears and caramels on the bosom of the vest. How cruel it seems to wear a vest, soaked with the tears of a total stranger, while your wife wonders what makes the vest so de¬ jected and pianissimo; Oh, false world! Oh, heartless, gay and frivo¬ lous world! How full of hollow mockery and electro-plated merit. Your flounces are beautiful, but the ground-work is three-cent silicia. You are smooth and rich and beautiful, on the ex¬ terior but, within, your heart is full of clinkers and old railroad iron. And what should we learn from all this? Should we not learn a valuable lesson ? Should we not look into our hearts and see if they are pure ? Should we not, also, examine our livers and see whether they are torpid or otherwise? I would most assuredly trow so. We should not only have a warm heart, but warm feet also, and a liver that will plod on through life patiently and uncomplainingly. Let us keep out of poli¬ tics and the victory is easy. ♦[Copyright, 1884. The Charles A. Vogeler Co.] Great numbers do our use despise, But yet at last they find, Without our help, in many things, They might as well be blind. (Spectacles.) Mr. Leyi Hottell, Corydon, Indiana, United States of America, says, he suffered from pains and inflammation, resulting from a fractured clavicle, and after trying various remedies with¬ out relief, he tried St. Jacobs Oil and was cured __c/G)