St. Jacobs Oil family calendar and book of health and humor for the million : 1885 : containing original humorous articles & illustrations by the leading humorists of America / the Charles A. Vogeler Company.

  • Charles A. Vogeler Company
Date:
1884
Catalogue details

Licence: Public Domain Mark

Credit: St. Jacobs Oil family calendar and book of health and humor for the million : 1885 : containing original humorous articles & illustrations by the leading humorists of America / the Charles A. Vogeler Company. Source: Wellcome Collection.

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    St. Jacobs Oil Family Calendar for 1885, and THREE AMERICAN SAINTS.* ( Written for The St. Jacobs Oil Family Calendar, 1885, by E. W. Nye, “ Bill Nye, Hudson, Wisconsin.) The month of February is largely sacred to the memory of George Washington the first in war, first in peace, and first in the hearts of his countrymen, St. Valentine and the Ground-Hog. George Washington is the patron saint of the War Department, St. Valentine monopolizes the Post-Office Department for three days in the middle of February, and the Ground-Hog is the alma, mater of the Weather Bureau. George Washington was the father of his country, and sometimes I think he ought to be ashamed of himself. Still he didn’t know that he would be held responsible for the wild-cat miner and the dude. He didn’t know that, when he crossed the Delaware on roller-skates, that he was about to become the parent of a country noted everywhere for its freedom and trichinosis. If he had, he very likely might have stayed on the other side. Mr. Washington was also widely and favor¬ ably known as the husband of Martha Wash¬ ington, who is now deceased. Mrs. Washington was a noble wife and an indulgent step-mother of her country by marriage. She never banged her hair or made a crazy quilt that looked like a premature discharge of pyrotechnics. She was quiet and dignified to a fault, and knew how to successfully boil the maroon doughnut with a hole in it. She was not literary, and abstained from writing “The Bread-Winners,” or “Beautiful Snow.” Neither she or her hus¬ band wrote either of those literary gems. St. Valentine’s Day generally falls on the fourteenth, if it’s a good day. No one knows definitely why it is called St. Valentine’s Day. There are a number of theories, but as the cus¬ tom of sending paper ginger-bread and gaudy art, set off with hand-made poetry on this day, was inaugurated about five hundred years be- (tX»_ fore St .Valentine was beheaded, it is not accu¬ rately known what relationship there is between the two. I get a valentine almost every year. It is not beautiful, but it shows that I am not forgotten. It represents a bald-headed blonde, with a brow like a haystack. He is in the act of thinking. He seems to have a thinker large enough for nine able-bodied men; but his neck and his salary are apparently small. At least he wears a gingham patch on the bosom of his pants and a Scotch plaid study on one knee. He has a bilious and reflective air, also an absent-minded look about the pockets, which would show that he might be a grasshopper sufferer or a journal¬ ist. This valentine of course varies a little each year, but the general resemblance is maintained. It is sent anonymously by a person whose name I have been unable to ascertain. I am sorry that I am unable to repeat some of the poetry, but I cannot now recall it. It is not the kind of poetry that I like. It somehow seems to con¬ tain a kind of covert sneer, and would seem to reflect on the abnormal power of my brain. Now I do not like such things. If a man is an intellectual giant, it ought not to be the subject for adverse criticism and sarcastic verse. I can’t help it. Some men are born with big heads, some acquire big heads, and others have big heads thrust upon them. The Ground-Hog, the goose’s breast-bone, the pig’s “ melt,” the muskrat house, and the almanac, control the weather. On Ground-Hog Day the Ground-Hog goes out into the air and decides on what kind of a year he will give us. If you happen to be where you can see him, when he comes out of his hole, you may judge by hi3 actions as to the weather for the near future. Still it has been learned that Ground- Hogs, in different localities, perform quite differ¬ ently on this day, and owing to the great diffi¬ culty of seeing him at the exact moment he comes out, a great many are selling their Ground- Hogs and squandering the money on bread. ♦[Copyright, 1884. The Charles A. Vogelar Co.] Birthdays. Monday for wealth, Tuesday for health, Wednesday the best day of all; Thursday for crosses, Friday for losses, Saturday no luck at all. FROM THE AMERICAN CAPITAL. Mrs. Mary K. Sheed, 1110 Maryland Avenue, Washington, District of Columbia, United States of America, states, that for several years she had suffered terribly with facial Neuralgia and could find no relief. In a recent attack—which ex¬ tended to the neck, shoulders and back—the pain was intense. She resolved to try St. Jacobs Oil—the great pain-reliever. Dubbing the parts affected, three times only, all pain vanished as by magic—and has not returned. __ t/CT)