Studies in the psychology of sex. Vol. VII, Eonism and other supplementary studies / by Havelock Ellis.

  • Havelock Ellis
Date:
[1928], ©1928
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Licence: In copyright

Credit: Studies in the psychology of sex. Vol. VII, Eonism and other supplementary studies / by Havelock Ellis. Source: Wellcome Collection.

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    places it to his penis, which I cannot see. He vanishes, to give place to a little girl who repeats the performance with a chamber, which I clearly see through the skirts which seem as transparent as glass. Suddenly I become aware that P., looking as he was at eighteen or nineteen, is gravely walking up and down the square, with a com¬ panion I cannot see, to whom he is talking of the naturalness of the act of urination. He has the grave and placid air that I have always seen in him. He adds that, before going to the front, his mother had said to him: “If ever you require to satisfy your little needs, do so.” At this point my servant awakens me. [There is neglect to mention the condition of the bladder on awaking.] In the evening, I had occasion to examine my elder child’s testicles. I have never before had a dream of this kind. P. and O. are two of the beings for whom I have most affection and they are often in my thoughts, consciously or unconsciously. Dream XII. Night of 1st May: A large supper two hours be¬ fore going to bed, and just before going to bed I drink much water: I am amidst sandy hills on which the sunshine is playing. It is very beautiful; I clearly see the golden and red tones. There is someone with me: yet I do not know who, and I see no one. It is an invisible presence, but very agreeable, and I vaguely believe that it is my friend F. We walk together and I know that we ought to be trying to reach the river. Suddenly I see the river, far off, as if between an opening in the hills. It gleams like silver beneath the sun. It is a beautiful sight. My companion and I are very happy. We hold each other’s hands, so far as that is possible with a being who is felt but not seen. We are full of gladness and walk rapidly, lightly, like children, over hills and valleys, now and then catching sight of the river, and then losing it from view. Change of scene. I am in a convent garden, and it suddenly becomes a cemetery. My companion is always there invisible, but speaking in a strange language which must be that of souls, for we understand each other perfectly without saying anything. Then I see a nun walking in the cemetery. The graves are green, the gen¬ eral atmosphere is calm and peaceful, but the nun looks tormented. All at once I understand the cause of her anxiety for water is every¬ where appearing between the graves. It increases every moment, the cemetery will soon be submerged. I read the anguish of the nun in the sinister aspect of this field of peace. Suddenly she ap¬ proaches me and says how idiotic it was for the monks to try to stop the course of the river. “One cannot stop a river; they have only succeeded for a time, and now it is rising over its banks.” I try to find out how the monks stopped the river. It is not clear; for a