Prevention in family services : approaches to family wellness / edited by David R. Mace.
- Date:
- [1983], ©1983
Licence: Attribution-NonCommercial 4.0 International (CC BY-NC 4.0)
Credit: Prevention in family services : approaches to family wellness / edited by David R. Mace. Source: Wellcome Collection.
193/260 page 191
![Mace [191] So, when we talk about dealing creatively with conflict, most people would interpret this as being able to keep negative feelings toward each other under control, denying them expression, and learning some trick that will make them go away—perhaps never to return. The view widely held is that conflict is something extraneous to the relationship, an unwelcome and hostile interloper like the serpent in the Garden of Eden, that threatens to destroy the peace and harmony of a secluded place. Though I personally once held these views, I have come to believe that they are simply not in accordance with the facts. I now see conflict as an inevitable concomitant of all close relationships and one that has the potential to make a vital contribution to the well- being of the persons concerned. I would even go so far as to say that apart from what conflict can contribute to the growth of love and intimacy, really satisfying and productive family relationships are unattainable. That is what I believe. My task, in this chapter, will be to attempt to prove it. The basis of my proof will be partly the fact that it is theoretically convincing, and partly that in my own marriage—and in the relationships of other couples with whom I have been closely involved—I have seen it happen over a long enough period of time to have become convinced. In other words, it makes sense in theory and it works in practice. HOW A MARRIAGE DEVELOPS In order to simplify the discussion I will confine myself to marital conflict although the same principles apply in other family relation¬ ships. In fact, the resolution of conflict in the marriage is generally the key to the wider task of bringing harmony into the family. We shall imagine a married couple, and for convenience we will call them John and Mary. It all begins when John and Mary find themselves attracted to each other. This may happen very rapidly (love at first sight) or slowly over time (a friendship that ripens into love). Either way, its immediate or gradual result is that each feels an urge to get close to the other— physically, on the basis of sex attraction, and personally because they find that they are alike in some respects and complementary in others:](https://iiif.wellcomecollection.org/image/b18037604_0194.JP2/full/800%2C/0/default.jpg)
